Egg Blog

May 21 2023

Another long time since my last entry. My bad.

We've gotten our AC unit replaced and all has been well on that front.

I've been away from my computer for over a week due to a pulled muscle in my lumbar region. No idea how or what I did to do it, though.

It's hard to sit upright. It's a major strain on my lower back, and other daily-life type stuff is quite difficult. I'm getting a bit better, though.

My husband is adjusting to his new job, and while the workplace is decent, the schedule still leaves something to be desired...
I mean, he'll be working 12hr shifts again, but only in 3, sometimes 4 day intervals. (Ex: works sun-wed 12hrs, but home thurs-sat.)

This means he'll only be home for a few hours before he needs to go right back to sleep and get ready all over again. I hate that he has to push himself so much- and I know he says it's ok/it's for our benefit...I just hope he's alright.

So, I'm eager for my back to get back to full health, so I can get back into HOUSEWIFE MODE(tm), so I can at least have his lunches and such prepared. I've never been very kitchen savvy, but I want to do what I can while he works his butt off for our tiny family.

I'm really grateful for him, and all that he's done/will do for us )': I feel really spoiled but... I want to return the favor. Somehow.

I hope I'll be able to figure out other easy food stuff for him to take for lunches- I'm really REALLY bad at coming up with ideas, and even with a recipe, I'm pretty clumsy and make a lot of mistakes. I dunno- I want to at least do THAT much.

Anyway, that's about all that's been happening on my end. Hope ya'll are doing ok. Have a good one.

May 9 2023

It's been a little bit... things have gotten pretty bad with the water damage from our outdated AC unit.
We'll be needing to fully repair/replace it. Thankfully, we have family who will assist us with the cost, since we're still ~in between jobs~

We're pretty close to the poverty-line when it comes to finances. I don't know why I felt the need to disclose that,
I guess I felt guilty for talking about homeownership as if it's something that people have familiar experiences.
Not that I exactly make these posts for anyone besides myself...I guess it's just laten guilt from years of needing to be kept
"in my place" when it came to being humble- from a familial standpoint. (ie: emotional manipulation at a young age from a parent or guardian.)

We've actually only just recently were approved for foodstamps. It was incredibly necessary and had to jump through some hoops to get just enough for a few weeks. We were approved for an amount that helped us for more than two months, which was really lucky. But if we were to need further assistance, we'd need to show up in a court setting or an online meeting or something. I don't know...

I'm still "new" to being an "adult", it seems. I sometimes cant tell if I'm so mentally disabled that I just can't grasp basic adulthood necessities, or if I'm just really bad at being a human in general. This isn't so much me trying to put myself down, as much as it is a ...staggering observation and revelation that I'm still coming to terms with- coming to terms with how my disabilities have affected my adulthood in such a way, that it's almost impossible for me to figure out or "handle" how to act or "common sense among adults".

It gets pretty bad for me, sometimes. I wish I could get government assistance for my disabilities as well, but that's a whole other story... Sometimes I reminisce about my childhood and teenage years...probably about the same as any adult my age, and think back on how I really, REALLY should've appreciated the smaller things...I wish I was cognitive enough to comprehend that kind of reality.

The picture of myself as a baby hanging in our house...constantly reminds me of those times. It makes me think: "She really has no idea how fucked up things are going to get for her." and I think that's just so unfair. It feels horrible- to look at that child and at myself as I am now, and feel a pain in my stomach. That child doesn't deserve the hurt and abuse that'll start happening to her in just a few years from when that picture was taken.

Maybe I'm just making excuses again- like I can always "use my trauma and disabilities" as an "excuse" for sucking so hard at being an adult. I wouldn't know, anyway. No one can tell you how to properly BE an adult, I think. Unless they DO- in which case....god I wish that were me.